The M Word

As a parent of a child with dwarfism, I can only be talking about one word - midget. I knew that I would have to deal with it sooner or later and about a month ago, I had my first post-Owen encounter with the word.

I am the business manager of a restaurant and I was in the kitchen chatting with the line cooks. A plate of potato skins came out and they were much smaller than we normally serve. A bartender came back to grab her order and said, "Those look like midget potatoes!" My face flushed & my head got cloudy. "Please don't use that word," I said. She looked at me, shocked. "I am offended by that word. Please don't use it." I ran back to the office, shut the door and cried. The comment lurched me into an brief emotional tailspin. Although I knew I would hear it at some point, I was unprepared to deal with "the M word". As the daughter of a RN with a background in psychology, teaching and constantly gathering our family around the kitchen table for family emoting, my natural instinct was to delve in to why I was feeling so shaken about one simple word.
The bartender had no idea that my son was a little person so I'm sure she didn't use the word to purposely offend me or Owen. I can say with near certainty that the potatoes were not offended (although I'm sure they too would have preferred the term "little potatoes"). Theoretically, no harm no foul. So why then, did I have such a visceral reaction to this word?
Since that experience I have been trying to work out my thoughts on the term midget which has involved some research. From what I can gather, the term seems to be commently used out of ingnorance. There are those who use the term in a cruel manner but frankly I don't want to expend any energy on them at this time.

At one point in my life I thought that midget was an acceptable term for a little person. In fact, I thought it was a term distinguishing proportional dwarfism from disproportionate dwarfism (short arms & legs, large head and trunk). Turns out this is actually correct. Midget was a term coined in the mid 1800's to describe porportional dwarfism and therefore the most socially accepted little people. It is debated as to who coined the term but has ties to PT Barnum at the height of his career. At this time it was "dwarf" that had the negative inferences. In the 1950's The Little People of America had it's first meeting as the "Midgets of America". However, the majority of the people who showed up were dwarves and the group was remamed to reflect both its proportonate and disproportionate members.
Eventually the term fell out of favor although it is unclear as to why. Some theories credit a group of young dwarves in the 70's taking cues from the women's and civil right's movement in a push for acceptance. Another theory is that the word's circus origin lends itself to more deviant uses. Whatever the case may be, many people are ignorant to the fact that it is an offensive term.

In my opinion, I'm not so sure that it's the textbook definition or the history of the word that matters. When it comes to the word, or any word for that matter, it the context and feeling that will define it's meaning. When you say "I love you", it doesn't have meaning unless you truly love. We can give words power and we can take that power away. Dan and I will hopefully instill in Owen the common sense to distinguish the uninformed from hateful and deal with them accordingly.
That being said, I will most likely continue to flinch when I hear or see the word as I did today while listening to "Cheech and Chong's Santa Claus and his Old Lady" song or when I watched the "Family Guy" the other day. Maybe someday I will become immune, maybe I won't. For now, when I do encounter the word, I will patiently explain it's offensiveness(without running off and crying hopefully). And when you ask me what you should call my son, I will simply tell you, "Call him Owen."



*I read some really interesting articles while researching this post. I'm including the links below:
This one is a great historically based article on the PBS website by a man whom I've frequently come across on the web. Dan Kennedy's daughter Becky has achondroplaisa and he wrote book called "Little People: Learning to See the World Through My Daughter's Eyes".
PBS Article
Dan Kennedy's Website
The next one is an article by Leonard Sawisch, psychologist and former president of the Dwarf Athletic Association. There is some offensive material in the beginning question but scroll down to his article to bypass.
"What Offends Us"
Last is an exchange between actor Daniel Woodburn and Rodger Ebert. Warning - There is quite a bit offensive language. It very much highlights that some people just don't realize what they say.
Rodger Ebert