The older Owen gets, the more noticable his stature becomes. I can tell that more frequently, people notice his size. Other parents of little people - you know what I'm talking about. There is a certain way that people look at him, point him out and whisper to their partners ("Look at that little guy!") that signifies curiosity as to why he is so small.
I am not however, objective to how Owen looks, so I am not sure what people see. Do they see the dwarfism or does he just look too young (small) to be walking and talking? All I know is that people seem to think that Owen is super cute (and they would be right)!
Despite the fact that people notice Owen, they will rarely ask. A converstion with someone will go a little something like this:
Scene
Enter Owen in to a store or restaurant. He walks beside his mother with a confident stride looking extrodinarily cute. Other customers begin to notice the little boy and stare at him with amused looks on their faces. Owen walks by a particular woman,gives her a grin and then runs back toward his mom.
Woman: He's adorable!
Mom: Thanks! We think so too.
Woman: How old is he?
Mom: He just turned 2.
Woman (with a bewildered look on her face): Oohhhh.....
90% of the time this is where the conversation ends. I can tell that people are confused but once again, they don't ask.
Not that I can blame them. I'm sure people think it is rude to ask and under different circumstances, maybe they would be right. I suppose I could start explaining Owen's dwarfism without prompting, but I'd feel a little strange launching into a explainaton of achondroplasia without the question from the other person.
So I'm here to say "ASK ME!!". I don't mind at all! I welcome the chance to talk about Owen's dwarism. Owen is my very favorite subject so you can never go wrong being curious about him (espicially if you throw a few "He's so cute!'s" in there).
So I said, 90% of the time people don't ask. What happens the other 10% of the time?When people DO actually ask, here's usually the routine.
Mom: He just turned 2.
Woman: Really? He's so little!
Mom: Yeah. He's a little person.
Woman (chuckles): He sure is...wait...you mean a "little person"?
Mom: Yup. He has a form of dwarfism called achondroplasia. It's the most common form. Do you ever watch Little People, Big World?
Woman: Yes! I love that show!
Mom: Owen has the same form of dwarfism as Zach and Amy.
Woman: How tall is he going to be?
Mom: We are not exactly sure but the average height of little people is around 4 feet. I'm assuming it will be somewhere around there.
Woman: Well he's adorable!
That's almost verbatum some of the conversations I've had. Painless! In fact, a while ago, Dan and I were in the Children's Museum in Flint. We had passed this woman and her family a few times and everytime we in close proximity to her, she went crazy over how cute Owen was. She finally came up to me and asked "Is he a midget?" You all know how much I hate that word. In this case however, it didn't bother me because she had asked out of curiousity. There was no hostility or repugnance (go thesaurus.com,go!) in her question. My point is, if the genuine interest shines through, you can ask me anything!
Owen and I had a playdate with a friend the other day and she was asking me questions about Owen. She stopped in the middle and said "Does it bother you that I'm asking?". I of course told her no and expressed how I wished more people would ask. Especially my friends. In fact thinking about it now, my next post will be the FAQ's of Dwafism. Maybe those afraid to ask can learn a little more.
So now, all that said, I can only speak for myself. I do not know if other LP's or parent's of little people feel the same way. Do you?
16 comments:
we don't get a ton of comments yet since Kaela isn't that small (now), but she's starting to slow down a bit. Some people have started to comment that she is small. I actually had some lady say something about drinking coffee and she looked at Kaela and said you don't want to drink coffee it stunts your growth and you're already short. I opened my mouth, and shut it thinking, ah, it's not worth it :) In people who aren't idiots, I don't mind answering questions :) When you see someone or something you don't usually see or don't understand it's normal to wonder and question things...I think you are a great mom with a very cute kid :)
Cat --
I am starting to get TONS of comments now that Parker is walking. I have almost the exact same conversation with people. In fact, Parker is short even for a dwarf (25th percentile in height for achon).
Thanks for this post! It is nice to know I'm not alone.
Amanda
I feel the same way! I wish more people would ask because I love to talk about Olivia! I would say in my experience it's about 50/50, but probably because the conversation usually starts with the oxygen. I was just talking with an old high school friend a couple of weeks ago and mid-conversation she said "stop me if my questions are inappropriate, I am just curious." I simply told her that I appreciated her curiosity and enjoy talking about Olivia!
The looks, stares, comments and bewilderment! Yes, there are some days I'll explain, but other's where I don't feel like it. I actually though get a kick out of it and it provides me hours of entiertainment in seeing the looks people give because they are confused. We (AH) are not use to seeing a person under a certain height and when we do, it's a bit starling. We are surrounded by AH people, so when we see people under 4 foot, it takes the mind a second to realize their people too. I have started noticing now that Knoah is walking around, how many people are not use to seeing below their knee caps. I have to watch just walking around the house, because Knoah will get under foot and sometimes he gets accidently kicked or shoved because I am still learning to watch below a certain level. Gotta love people!!
That's pretty typical of our interactions as well...some afraid to ask, others who put a foot in their mouth! I'm getting a little braver about volunteering more information when it's clear that someone is curious. I'm sure I'll reach a point where I see someone staring and I'll just blurt it all out (and hopefully they'll be wondering about Seamus and not where I got my purse, or something like that!)
Hey Cat! I'm so glad to see you posted this...as I posted something similar a month or so ago. I so wish more people would ask me about Peyton...it's so much better than the looking and conversations that you see people having (obviously about your child). And I especially love when friends ask...and they always say the same thing - "do you mind me asking questions?" to which I respond as you did - that I love it when they do! I've rarely had strangers ask...but I'm thinking it will be coming soon. It's starting to become more obvious that Peyton is older than she looks. Great post! I'm glad I'm not the only one who thinks like this. And of course, everyone is going to comment on the cuteness that Owen projects! But if it's any young girls you make sure you tell them Peyton has dibs :)
It's becoming apparent to me that people are confused as to why Preston is tiny yet talking up a storm. I find it more so here in VA than in NY. I don't know why but I always said no one in NY cares what you do or what you look like-they either 1) don't notice because they are busy 2) don't care because they are on their blackberry or 3) if they notice they are people watching and making fun of everyone anyway. If someone asks I may tell them, but I don't volunteer. Mayve it's wrong. Maybe I am doing an injustice. Preston knows he is smaller but I dont think he cares. Today he spent recess with Pre-K (kids who are 4 1/2 and 5) and was right in with them rolling in the dirt, getting wild like he is the Jolly Green Giant.
It's an interesting subject Cat because for me I don't really volunteer unless directly asked and I have only maybe been in that situation a handful of times.
But we get the cuteness comments and people do stare because he is smaller and adorable and wearing some kind of hat right out of the movie Fargo.
I don't get a lot of stares/questions yet, but when someone asks how old Anaïs is they ALWAYS say "she's is tiny!". Most of the time I just say "yes she is" and it stops there for now. However I know that when she starts to walk and talk it will become more apparent and people will comment more often...
I am like Tonya on this, somedays I'm in the mood and some other days I just don't feel like sharing that information with strangers.
I know what you mean with the word midget, it all depends how people use it...I still hate it though.
You are doing great!! :)
Amen!!! As an adult LP, I would much rather people ask...especially when it involves their children. For adults, a lot of the time they will bring up LPBW and conversations will spark from there. Just the other day I was doing a presentation and used chair to reach the computer. A staff member stopped in and commented on how "ingenius" that was. I know no difference, I've been doing that my whole life. I use the questions to educate...am I the only LP in my family, kids, shopping ect. I feel that the more people we educate, the more the will share that with others. I completely agree with you, you know they are wondering...but should we promt them? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don't. It depends on my mood and how open the other person is/seems.
What a great post! I don't really get the "he's too little to be walking" comments....yet. I do feel the looks and stares, but I don't know if they are becaue of his super adorability (don't think that's a word) or because he looks different. I've had a few kids comment on the size of his head, but most of the time I get how cute he is. I wouldn't mind people asking and sometimes I feel the need to explain, but I don't since I would rather wait for them to ask just like you said. I wish the world was made of more people like us LP parents..good people with open minds ....hehe
We are just starting to get some of those really curious looks now that Cohen is approaching one - especially if they ask his age. It doesn't bother me at all - and I agree with you - it's way better when people ask and in fact I wish they would more too...friends and strangers alike. What mom doesn't like talking about their child? ;)
Cat, at 3.5 years of age Aidan has had his share of looks but not a ton. Most of the interactions are just like you stated in the blog. I am more than willing to share if people ask. I don't mind them asking, and it would be a great learning experience for them should they ask. It's interesting but it is usually the adults that clam up. The kids are the ones that are curious and open their mouths to ask...not in a mean or nasty way....so far. I remember a couple of years ago my family and extended family went to "Apple Hill" for a small reunion. That place attacts many many people. One couple, complete strangers,...probably in their 50's or 60's saw Aidan and said...."look its a little Roloff". They were the nicest couple, we had a short but sweet conversation with them and then went on our ways. They see the series on TV and Aidan's features were apparent enough that they knew right off the bat. I think it has been great that the show is on the air and making people that much more aware.
I have been reading your blog for awhile now and think your Owen is ADORABLE! But to all the parents of LP children, I sorry if I offend, but why is the 'M' word offensive? Thank you for opening my eyes to this...at our children's museum there is an adult LP working there and it helped me having understood and known a little about LP's before meeting him! My kids adore him! :)
Great post! We are starting to get looks more and more lately. I feel the same way - just ask. I love talking about Simon! As with most of your conversations, we are told how cute he is, asked his age, the person has a bewildered look, and then that is the end of the conversation. I guess I could be more volunteering, but I always wait for the person to ask.
Owen is such a cutie!
Back again, floating between blogs while Tori sleeps. In the few cases that I have been asked by a stranger, I generally explain what achondroplasia is and leave it at that, although sometimes I just dont feel like it and let it go. When I am meeting new people that I know I am going to have regular contact with, I come straight out tell them - it kind of lets them know that I am happy to talk to them about it.
In one instance, when Tori was only about 3 months old, a woman kept commenting on how 'little' Tori was, after her saying this about 5 times and me smiling and nodding politely (as I do when I am not in the mood for talking about it), I finally said something along the lines of "She is the perfect size for an achondroplasic dwarf". The woman went, Ohhhhh! and the conversation was quickly ended.
I haven't gotten too many comments. Mostly he's cute and little. Nate's only 14 months. But I'm suprised I don't get more questions since he's still in his infant carrier.
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