I recently had the question posed to me "Do you think of Owen as disabled?". My immediate response was 'Of course not!'...OK...it was acutally 'Hell, no!'. But as I mulled it over in my head, the issue started to become a little more complicated.
The government considers my child diabled. I can apply for SSI and Children's Special Health Care. Owen's physical therapy is part of the special education program and he is eligible to recieve an IEP (individualized eduation program) throughout his life. Owen may even get to cut in line at some amusement parks (yesssss!!!). His technically 'disabled' status allows him advantages. But what about the disadvantage of being labled?
There is an inherent negativity associated with the term disabled. You are automatially assumed to be less in someway. Less able, less capable, less skilled, or dare I say less of a human being. I wonder though, are a technically disabled person's abilities' less or just different?
A person who has lost their legs cannot run, but may have more upper body strength that you and I combined. Is that less abled or just different? A child with autism may struggle socially, but could have an enviable amount of focus on a specific task. Is that less abled or just different? A severely mentally disabled person may not have the same rational thought process as you or I, but he has never looked another human being in the eye and purposefully hurt them. Is that less abled, different or even something to emulate?
I would do a disservice to Owen if I were to distance him from those labled as disabled. In the quest to be "normal", it would allienate him from the kids he has shared struggles with in physical therapy and from my own family and the members who have special needs. And let's call a spade a spade. Owen is not average. However, I would encourage the use of the term "differently-abled". It's seems more indicative of what the reality of the situation is. "Differently-abled" however, has to be an all- inclusive term. It has to encompasses everyone.
We all have different abilities, it is just harder to see what our weaknesses are. Owen's difference is on the outside. There's no guessing as to what his life's struggle will be. I'll bet you couldn't say the same about me. I struggle with who I am vs. who I want to be. I'm not always confident in the person I present. That's a weakness that effects my day to day life but you can't see it right away. But Owen and anyone else who has an obvious difference will always struggle more that I. As parents of children with outside differences, one of our struggles will be watching others react to the people we love the most in this world.
Owen may never be able to reach the top shelf, stair rails or some fast food counter tops but as I can already tell, his sense of ingenuity, innovation and initiative (basially all those "in-" words!), will be finely tuned. He will see and obstacle (literaly and figuratively) and know how to get around it.
In my book, that's not less, it's just different.
10 comments:
Crying again. And no, I don't need a guest blog. You are really good at this mommy thing, you know. I'm so proud of you and Dan too.
This is an awesome post, Cat. Gives me and others lots to think about.
I admire your strength. You're amazing. I'm glad I was able to find you on here xxoxo
CAt-Such a good post! I loved it. It is definitely a struggle in my head too sometimes of how will Preston be defined.
Oh and tell your mom-I really need to think about a trip there this spring-we need to love on the kiddos during the day and crack open a bottle(s) of wine by night!
So well said. It gave me chills. Owen has an amazing mom.
I've thought about this too and like you, would never consider my son "disabled." BUT, it's like you said, when it comes to services it is a label we put on our kids. The question I'm asking myself is, what am I going to do about it?? Am I going to let a name hypothetically lessen my son's ability out of convenience? I struggle with this all the time. Thanks for this post and for addressing this issue so eloquently.
Cat, great post. I think about that issue all of the time - whether we want to get the "benefits" associated with the disablity and all of the labels. Brian was filling out insurance docs. the other day, and texted me: "They want to know if Liz is disabled. Is she?"
Ah, if only there was an easy answer.
(By the way, I don't think you check your e-mail very often - don't forget to e-mail me when you get a chance).
Hi Cat, I'm Emily, Seamus' mom...I've been a lurker! This was very thought provoking, and I've been thinking the same things to myself very recently. I just learned that there is a special needs sports organization in our area. Now that he's getting to the age where he wants to participate in sports, I've been struggling with what to do...place him with a group of children with disabilities, some severe, or have him try to keep up in T-ball and soccer with average kids? A large part of me wants him to grow up around kids who have differences, in the hopes that he will always be compassionate and caring, and thankful for his own abilities. But then I would unquestionably be labeling him as disabled. What to do...there's just no easy answer.
Thanks for sharing your thoughts on that. It's a question every parent of a little person is confronted with (and probably struggles with the same way you do). I think you have a great perspective on this tough issue.
I love this -- once again, so eloquently yet simply put. I know I'm hormonal, but I really can't stop crying over this one . . . need more tissue . . . .
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